Futame Kinen ("Harmful Memory")
by Akiame
Summary: Flashbacks from his painful past torment and overwhelm Chichiri…with unfortunate consequences. What happens when the past directly interferes with the present? Spoilers for Chichiri’s past, and possibly other things…beware!
1. Default Chapter Title

Futame Kinen  
"Harmful Memory"  
  
  
  
This is only my second time posting anything anywhere, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd read and review. Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: Umm...I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, or any of its characters and things like that.  
  
Things enclosed in asterisks (*) are thoughts/flashbacks. Three asterisks (***) indicates a scene change.  
  
  
  
Chapter One - Kikenshisou  
"Dangerous Thoughts"  
  
  
Houjun Ri...Chichiri...closed his eye, trying desperately to concentrate.  
  
* "I'm...I'm sorry, Houjun..." he heard Kouran say again. *  
  
* No, stop it, Chichiri. Concentrate. Calm, like a pool of water...focus your chi... * The seishi took a deep breath, steadying himself.  
  
* "I'm...I'm sorry, Houjun...but...but I can't marry you..." *  
  
* Stop! It's in the past! * Chichiri screamed mentally at himself. He tried again to get his breathing back into an even rhythm.  
  
* "H...Houjun? Houjun, what are you doing?" *  
  
* No...no...no, please, Suzaku, not again... * the monk thought, panic rising in him.  
  
* "Houjun, stop...you're scaring me, Houjun...please, Houjun, put that knife down...can't we talk about this?"  
  
"No. No talking. I don't want to talk."  
  
"Houjun, please!" Hikou cried. Only a clap of thunder answered his cry, and rain began to pour down on both of them. *  
  
"No!" Chichiri yelled. He gave up his cross-legged position, pulling his knees up to his chest.  
  
* Houjun continued to advance, and Hikou to retreat.  
  
"Houjun...Houjun, please stop..." Hikou pleaded, glancing nervously back over his shoulder at the swollen river behind him.  
  
"No!" Houjun snapped, swinging the knife forward viciously. Hikou darted back, dodging the strike, almost losing his balance on the riverbank. He could no longer back up; he was too close to the churning water. *  
  
"No..." Chichiri whimpered, tears running down his face to trickle past the edges of his mask.  
  
* Hikou glanced back behind him, at the water, and then back to Houjun, who stood before him. The blue-haired man's face was wet with tears, and his usually warm brown eyes were filled with the warm saltwater, a strange counterbalance to the rage and vengeful spirit displayed there.  
  
"H...Houjun..." Hikou said, unable to think of anything else to say as Houjun Ri, so long his shinyuu, raised the knife above his head for the killing blow.  
  
"Sayonara, Hikou," Houjun snarled. Hikou, out of instinct, stepped back, and lost his footing, plummeting into the water below.  
  
"Hikou!" Houjun cried, the knife falling to the ground as he leapt forward to grab his friend's arm. All the anger and hate in his eyes was replaced by fear for his friend, and painful regret as the realization set in as to what had occurred.  
  
"Don't let go..." Hikou begged.  
  
"No, I won't let go, Hikou...I won't ever let go..." Houjun promised. His grip on his friend tightened, and he attempted to pull him back onto the bank. Hikou clung to his arm, his lifeline...  
  
Neither of them saw the branch coming, both too intent on getting Hikou to safety. It struck Houjun across the face, and he pulled back without meaning to, without thinking, his world lost to the pain that lanced through him.  
  
"Houjun!" Hikou cried as he was swept away.  
  
"No!" Houjun shouted, reaching out for his friend, one hand covered in blood. He almost fell into the river diving after Hikou, trying to grab his hand again, but remained on the bank, able only to watch helplessly as his friend was dragged under by the rapid current.  
  
Houjun wept, the physical pain caused by the bough that had hit him forgotten, pushed from his mind by the emotional pain of his loss. After a long while he began staggering back to his home, one hand on his left eye. The blood from the injury was smeared over most of that side of his face, and had stained his collar where it had run down his neck. His hand and the end of one sleeve were both bloody as well, and all of him was covered in mud.  
  
"Somebody...somebody help..." he called, trying to yell, managing only barely more than a whisper.  
  
"Someone...anyone, please...Hi...Hikou..." he called again, a little louder, ending in a strangled sob at the thought of what had happened. He staggered into town...or, more appropriately, where town should have been...  
  
Only more floodwaters met his gaze, his friends, his family, his home...all gone, lost to the elements... *  
  
"No..." Chichiri sobbed, his voice hoarse, "No more, please, no more..." But his pleadings went unheard, and his memory skipped forward a few months...when the physical pain had faded, but the emotional pain still haunted him, far more intensely than the dull ache of his scar.  
  
* "Hey! Get away from that kid, you freak!" the man snapped, shoving Houjun roughly.  
  
"G...gomen, I wasn't..." Houjun stammered, backing away quickly.  
  
"Shut up! I didn't ask to hear from you! Go back to wherever you came from!" the man said, crossing the distance between himself and the young blue-haired man and shoving him again, knocking him against a nearby wall.  
  
"I...I..." Houjun began, trying to find words as he struggled to evade the man's attacks, finally turning and breaking into a run. *  
  
"Oh, Suzaku, no!" Chichiri cried, clutching the sides of his head, desperate to block out the memories.  
  
* "That's right, get the hell out of here!" the man shouted, picking up a rock and hurling it Houjun. It struck the young man in the shoulder, and he winced and stumbled, falling face first into the mud.  
  
"Get up and get out, damn you!"  
  
Houjun struggled to his feet, wincing at the physical pain in his shoulder and leg, and the emotional pain caused at the man's reaction to his disfiguration. Unable to run, he moved as fast as he could, but was further encumbered because the commotion began to gather a large, ever growing group of people, all hurling stones, insults, or both at one poor fleeing boy... *  
  
"Please, no...no..." Chichiri moaned, rocking back and forth, hugging his knees. There was a soft knock at the door.  
  
"Chichiri? Daijoubu?" Nuriko called. Chichiri started, looking up, jarred from his reverie.  
  
"Chichiri?"  
  
"Yes...yes, I'm fine..." Chichiri called back hastily, managing to keep his voice steady.  
  
"Alright, well, it's time to eat..." Nuriko said, clearly not buying Chichiri's lie.  
  
"O...okay, I'll be there in a minute...no da..." the monk replied, unable to catch that first tremor in his voice and adding the near compulsory 'no da' as almost an afterthought. He took a deep breath, closing his eye, removing his mask and wiping away his tears. He smoothed the enchanted fabric over his face, took one final moment to collect himself, and headed out the door, cheerful as always.  
  
***  
  
"Ack! Miaka, don't you have enough to eat without eating my arm?" Nuriko snapped irritably, pulling the limb in question out of Miaka's reach.  
  
"Sorry," Miaka said, the word barely intelligible since she was speaking through a mouth full of food. Nuriko sighed.  
  
"Tama-neko, stay away from there," Chiriko chided the cat as it began to move in Miaka's direction. Mitsukake reached over and scooped up the cat, depositing him in Chiriko's lap, not wanting him to be eaten.  
  
Chichiri smiled, watching the cat try to escape the little boy.  
  
"Tama," the child scolded, "Stop that!" Finally the cat gave in and curled up, giving one big yawn before slipping off into whatever kind of dreams cats who can sense higher band wavelengths have.  
  
Tasuki gave Chichiri a lopsided grin.  
  
"Kawaii, ne?" the bandit asked. Chichiri nodded, watching Chiriko stroke the cat. The child's dinner lay forgotten, attracting the predatory eyes of Miaka.  
  
* * Just wait until Kouran sees this... * Houjun thought happily, racing along the path to the clearing where Kouran's parents had directed him. In his hand he held a beautiful hair ornament, crafted in the shape of a flower. *  
  
Chichiri's grip on his chopsticks tightened, and fear filled him.  
  
* * Should I call out to her first? No, better to surprise her when I run into the clearing, * he decided. He could see the clearing ahead, and hid behind a tree, wanting to just watch Kouran for a few moments while he caught his breath and chose the time he would go to her and the words he would use when he spoke.  
  
Houjun peeked around the tree... *  
  
Chichiri gripped the chopsticks until his knuckles were white.  
  
* ...to find Kouran...in Hikou's arms... *  
  
The chopsticks snapped from the force of Chichiri's grip.  
  
"Chichiri? Something wrong?" Tasuki asked. Chichiri did not respond, lost in his memories.  
  
* * What...what...? * Houjun thought, unable to finish the sentence, * No. No, no! It's not what it looks like. It's not. It...it can't be... * Without realizing it, Houjun had begun running, racing along in no particular direction. He stopped, out of breath, and sank to his knees, crying, not sure what to think, just knowing that it hurt, it hurt so much... *  
  
Chichiri's grip tightened further on the chopsticks, the sharp ends of the splintered wood biting into his skin, beads of blood trickling down his hand to stain his sleeve.  
  
Nuriko looked up from his conversation with Miaka, completely ignoring the Miko, who continued to ramble on.  
  
"Chichiri, what's the matter?" the purple-haired man asked. Chichiri shook his head, blinking repeatedly, trying to clear his mind.  
  
"Chichiri, why are...Chichiri, your hand!" Nuriko exclaimed. Chichiri looked at his hand and blinked again. Suddenly a wave of pain washed over him. Mitsukake had looked up from talking to Chiriko, hearing Nuriko's cry. Seeing the blood on Chichiri's hand, he rose from his seat and made his way over to the monk.  
  
* "I'm...I'm sorry, Houjun...but..." *  
  
"No!" Chichiri cried. Mitsukake took a step back, surprised.  
  
"Chichiri, what...?" Tasuki asked, unable to think of how to finish his sentence, looking, confused, at Chichiri's face, the gaze of which managed to look distant even through the enchanted mask.  
  
* *This is all Hikou's fault. I saw him, in the clearing... * Houjun thought as he watched Kouran run from the room. Tears made their way down his face, one falling onto his hand. He looked down at the tear, but in his vision it was red. Red like blood...Hikou's blood.  
  
* Yes, that's it. I'll get Hikou...I'll make him pay for what he's done... * *  
  
"Chichiri, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" Tasuki asked, putting a hand on Chichiri's shoulder.  
  
* Later that same day, Houjun was seated, eating. Hikou walked up behind Houjun, and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.  
  
"So, Houjun, how's everything?"  
  
Houjun stiffened at the sound of Hikou's voice.  
  
* 'How's everything?' How's everything?!?! Well he should know, after what he did! * Houjun's eyes narrowed. There was a knife on the table. His hand slid out toward it, fingers closing around the handle, tightening on the polished wood. *  
  
There was a knife on the table. Chichiri's hand slid out towards it, fingers closing around the handle, tightening on the polished wood.  
  
* Houjun rose from his seat and turned slowly to face Hikou, a vengeful smile creeping across his face. *  
  
Chichiri rose from his seat and turned slowly to face Tasuki, a vengeful smile creeping across his face.  
  
* "H...Houjun? Houjun, what are you doing?" *  
  
"Ch...Chichiri? Chichiri, what are you doing?"  
  
* "Houjun, stop...you're scaring me, Houjun...please, Houjun, put that knife down...can't we talk about this?" *  
  
"Chichiri, stop...you're really scaring me, buddy, this isn't like you...why don't you just put that down, and we'll talk, okay?"  
  
* "No. No talking. I don't want to talk." *  
  
"No. No talking. I don't want to talk."  
  
* Houjun, please!" Hikou cried. Only a clap of thunder answered his cry, and rain began to pour down on both of them. *  
  
"Hey, Chichiri, calm down!" Tasuki exclaimed. As Hikou had been, he was answered by a thunderclap, and rain began to pelt down from the dark heavens.  
  
* Houjun continued to advance, and Hikou to retreat. *  
  
Chichiri continued to advance, and Tasuki to retreat.  
  
* "Houjun...Houjun, please stop..." Hikou pleaded, glancing nervously back over his shoulder at the swollen river behind him. *  
  
"Chichiri, please stop...you know I can't swim..." Tasuki pleaded, glancing over his shoulder at the pond behind him, not wanting to have to resort to violence to stop his friend.  
  
* "No!" Houjun snapped, swinging the knife forward viciously. Hikou darted back, dodging the strike, almost losing his balance on the riverbank. He could no longer back up; he was too close to the churning water. *  
  
"No!" Chichiri snapped, swinging the knife forward viciously, his mask slipping from his face, falling to the ground. Tasuki darted back, dodging the strike, almost losing even his catlike balance on the soft banks of the pond. He could no longer back up; the water got suddenly deeper a step or so back, promising death for the bandit just as surely as Chichiri's knife.  
  
* Hikou glanced back behind him, at the water, and then back to Houjun, who stood before him. The blue-haired man's face was wet with tears, and his usually warm brown eyes were filled with the warm saltwater, a strange counterbalance to the rage and vengeful spirit displayed there. *  
  
Tasuki glanced back behind him, at the water, and then back to Chichiri, who stood before him. The blue-haired man's face was wet with tears, and his single good eye was filled with the warm salt water, as well as incredible rage and desire for retribution.  
  
* "H...Houjun..." Hikou said, unable to think of anything else to say as Houjun Ri, so long his shinyuu, raised the knife above his head for the killing blow. *  
  
"Chichiri..." Tasuki said regretfully. The monk raised the knife above his head for the final strike, but instead of trying to dodge, Tasuki grabbed Chichiri's wrist, pushing him back, away from the water. Chichiri stumbled, and brought his other hand back to cuff Tasuki, but two years of brawling with Kouji paid off for the redhead and he caught the fist his friend threw at him, the blood from the Chichiri's earlier injury smearing on his palm.  
  
Tasuki twisted the hand on Chichiri's wrist, trying to get the older seishi to drop the weapon. His other hand gripped tightly on Chichiri's closed fist, and he continued to force his friend back. It struck him as odd that Chichiri had called forth none of the powers granted him by Taiitsu-kun's training, but he had little time to dwell on such a detail.  
  
"Chichiri, I don't want to have to hurt you..." Tasuki said, but Chichiri wasn't really looking at him, more through him, and didn't respond. With an angry snarl, Chichiri twisted free of Tasuki's holds and lunged forward with the knife again.  
  
"Chichiri, snap out of it!" Tasuki cried. The bandit barely managed to dodge the strike, which caught his shirt, damp with the rain, leaving a large rip in the left side, the tip of the blade only a hair's breadth from his skin. Chichiri struck again, and this time after escaping the blow Tasuki stumbled and fell into the soft earth of the pond's shore, his unruly orange hair just shy of the water's edge.  
  
Chichiri stopped suddenly, the knife dropping to the ground. He shook his head in disbelief, blue bangs limp with the rain.  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Futame Kinen  
"Harmful Memory"  
  
  
I had positive responses (Yay! ::Grins:: ), so here's the second chapter! Sorry about the asterisks in the first one. The format I had to use wouldn't let me have italics. It all looked so nice and organized in italics...*sigh*...but don't worry. This chapter's much more straightforward!  
  
Okay, a little pre-fic rant (I'm very sorry, but it's kind of necessary)...  
  
I understand that in the minds of most people who read my fic there might seem to be Tasuki/Chichiri yaoi implications. This is NOT the case! I in NO way support any kind of Tasuki/Chichiri stuff. It's just that in my rather Eastern-influenced mind, it's okay for two guys to hug each other, and the word 'love' does not necessarily mean...that. Ahem.  
  
I just wanted to clarify. So please, please, please don't flame me for yaoi since that wasn't the intent...and there isn't enough to warrant flaming if it was!  
  
And by the way, I don't own Tasuki, Chichiri Fushigi Yuugi...or even a llama. Watase Yuu-sama does, as well as assorted other persona...Fushigi Yuugi, I mean. Not a llama. They might own a llama. I don't know...I'm just going to shut up now...  
  
Once again, I'd appreciate it if you'd read and review! Thanks so much!  
  
  
Chapter Two - Togetogeshii Nibankari, Mame Tomodachi  
"Harsh Aftermath, Devoted Friend"  
  
  
"No...no, no..." Chichiri sobbed quietly. Tasuki got to his feet, walking over to the monk's side.  
  
"Hey, Chichiri..." he began, putting a comforting hand on Chichiri's shoulder.  
  
"No!" Chichiri screamed, slapping Tasuki's hand off his shoulder and backing away. He shook his head, sinking down onto the wet shore, his head in his hands, his injured hand smearing blood on his face, and in his hair as he ran his hands through it, still shaking his head, paying no mind to the heavy rain that soaked his clothes. Tasuki sat down beside him, searching for something to say. He put a hand on the back of his neck, nervous, concerned but afraid to speak.  
  
After a long moment Chichiri looked up. He'd managed to stop crying, but raindrops still coursed down his face like tears, rinsing some of the blood away. Seeing Tasuki he tore his eyes away, pulling his knees tightly against his chest.  
  
"Chichiri, it's re..." Tasuki tried.  
  
"No, no don't..." Chichiri begged, rising, turning to leave.  
  
"Chichiri, what's WRONG? I know you didn't mean to do that, but can't y...?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong!" Chichiri snapped. Tasuki leapt to his feet and darted in front of his friend, grabbing him by the shoulders. Chichiri tried to pull away, but Tasuki was stronger, and held on tight. The monk dropped his gaze to his feet.  
  
"Look at me, damn it!" Tasuki snarled. Chichiri slowly brought his eye up to meet the penetrating gaze of Tasuki's twin amber orbs, able to meet that visage for only a moment before he had to take his eye away again, fresh, warm tears running down his cheek, mingling with the cold rainwater.  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry Chichiri...don't cry..." Tasuki implored, taking one hand off Chichiri's shoulder, bringing it up to his face to wipe away the monk's tears.  
  
"Just let me go!" Chichiri snapped. He tried to pull away again, but Tasuki was having none of it.  
  
"Please, Chichiri..."  
  
"Let me GO!" the monk demanded, swatting Tasuki's hands away, breaking into a run. Chichiri was fast, but Tasuki was faster and easily overtook him. He pulled Chichiri into an embrace, holding the monk tightly against him, tears falling from his golden eyes to dampen the shoulder of Chichiri's shirt along with the precipitation.  
  
"Damn it Chichiri, don't do this to me..."  
  
Neither noticed the cold, though Chichiri was without his kesa and Tasuki minus his nearly ever-present trench coat, yet paying it no heed did not cause the chill to cease to be - Tasuki could clearly feel Chichiri shivering slightly against him. Realizing how close they had to be for that to be possible, Tasuki released his friend and stepped back, red-faced.  
  
"G...gomen, Chichiri..."  
  
After recovering from their initial confusion, Nuriko and Hotohori had rushed out. They had watched from afar, though, as it became obvious that it would be futile to try and offer assistance. Things having calmed down, they came forward.  
  
"Chichiri, what caused this?" Hotohori asked, obviously thinking that a simple rational explanation from their voice of reason, their oldest seishi, would allow everything to return to normal. Chichiri did not reply.  
  
"Tasuki, are you alright?" Nuriko asked, placing his hands on Tasuki's shoulders.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, it's Chichiri I'm w..." Tasuki was cut off mid-sentence by Nuriko's fierce hug. Fierce for Nuriko, meaning that Tasuki feared his ribs would be broken...Mitsukake walked quickly over to the group.  
  
"Is anyone hurt?" the healer inquired.  
  
"I wasn't before, but now I'm not so sure," Tasuki muttered as Nuriko released him. The "court princess" gave him a dark look, obviously debating whether or not to hit him.  
  
"Chichiri, can I see your hand?" Mitsukake requested. Still Chichiri did not reply. Tamahome shadowed Miaka who, against Hotohori's requests, had followed, though not immediately. Chiriko trailed behind, holding Tama-neko tightly to his little chest, obviously nervous about disobeying Mitsukake, who had instructed him, too, to stay inside.  
  
"Chichiri, Tasuki, are you alright?" Miaka squeaked.  
  
"Miaka, don't get too close, you don't know what..." Tamahome began. At a glare from Tasuki he dropped his voice to a whisper before finishing, "he'll do." Chichiri heard him though, and his posture became rigid. Tamahome pushed Miaka back a little.  
  
"Please, Chichiri. You're hurt..." Mitsukake began, reaching for the wrist of Chichiri's injured hand. The older man pulled away.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Nuriko asked. Tamahome pulled Miaka to him, putting himself between her and Chichiri. Hotohori moved a little towards the space between the blue-haired seishi and his Miko, not directly between them, but close enough that he could easily protect Miaka.  
  
Chichiri stepped back a little, away from the group. Chiriko walked up to him, taking one hand from Tama-neko and tugging on Chichiri's sleeve. Chichiri paid him no mind, however, too intent on Mitsukake. As the young boy had approached Chichiri, a look of panic had come to the healer's eyes, though he had said nothing. His stance had tensed as well, as though he was ready to dart forward and snatch Chiriko away if Chichiri tried to hurt the child.  
  
"Chichiri, it's okay, you don't have to worry," Chiriko assured him.  
  
"Chiriko..." Mitsukake said, sounding a little nervous.  
  
"What do you think I'm going to do?" Chichiri asked softly, his voice barely audible.  
  
"Tamahome, why don't you take Miaka to her room..." Hotohori said quietly. Not quietly enough. Chichiri heard and brought his head up a little, meeting Hotohori's nervous gaze with the stare of his mahogany eye. The downpour continued, distant lightning bolts occasionally illuminating the faces of the group.  
  
Nuriko walked up to Chichiri, calmly pushing Chiriko a little ways a way so Mitsukake could relax, putting one slim hand on Chichiri's arm.  
  
"Why don't you let Mitsukake see that hand?" Nuriko requested, trying to lead Chichiri towards the tall man. The cuts weren't really that bad, but it was a welcome distraction from the tense atmosphere. Chichiri ignored him, swinging his angry visage from Hotohori to Mitsukake, who had taken Chiriko's hand and pulled the boy behind him, and back to the emperor.  
  
"What do you think I'm going to do?" Chichiri demanded, a little louder, his voice a low growl.  
  
"Tamahome, take Miaka to her room...NOW," Hotohori ordered, his voice soft but still commanding. Tamahome nodded and complied, leading Miaka off hastily, ignoring her initial objection.  
  
"Chichiri..." Chiriko began.  
  
"Chiriko, shh!" Mitsukake hissed.  
  
"Chichiri, please, it'll get infected or something. Let Mitsukake see your hand," Nuriko implored.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO DO?!?!" Chichiri snarled, shoving Nuriko away and taking a step towards Mitsukake. The healer stood his ground, but pushed Chiriko gently back a little.  
  
The blue-haired monk stopped suddenly, falling back, shaking his head.  
  
"G...gomen...gomen nasai..." he stammered, continuing to back up, gaining speed, finally turning and sprinting away. Tasuki moved to follow, but Nuriko put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.  
  
"What? Nuriko..." Tasuki began. Nuriko shook his head.  
  
"No, Tasuki. Don't follow him...he probably needs to be alone a..."  
  
"Like hell he does! Didn't you see his face? He needs someone with him! I don't want anything to happen to him!" Tasuki tried to break Nuriko's hold, but the other seishi only held on tighter, causing Tasuki to gasp in pain.  
  
"I'm serious, Tasuki!"  
  
"So am I!" Suddenly the bandit spun, too quickly for Nuriko to keep hold of him. Nuriko lifted a hand, but Tasuki caught his wrist.  
  
"I'm GOING to follow Chichiri," he growled, locking gazes with Nuriko, his stubborn nature clearly at the fore. Before Nuriko could say a word, Tasuki turned and ran after Chichiri with all the speed granted him by Suzaku.  
  
  
  
By the way (since I had someone ask about it)...I don't explain the flashbacks in the fic. They were more of a plot device...it's mostly about the results of them. I'm thinking of writing a sequel-y thing that revisits and explains them, so if anyone thinks this a worthy idea...tell me!  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Futame Kinen  
"Harmful Memory"  
  
  
This chapter's somewhat lighter than the previous two...but it's not QUITE the end...oh, and it looks like I'm going to attempt to write the sequel...eventually...it's up to you to decide whether that's good or bad ^_^ (This fic IS finished - all six chapters of it... - but I'm posting it a chapter at a time. Gomen to anyone who doesn't like that, but I have to fix all kinds of things before I post them...and it takes a while, no da...)  
  
Return of the Evil Asterisks...though I'm pretty sure they only come back once...anyway, as a reminder, things enclosed in asterisks (*) are thoughts. I apologize in advance for my lame puns.  
  
Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters and whatnot...  
  
  
Chapter Three - Motte Aruko-ru no Kyuujo...  
"With the Aid of Alcohol..."  
  
  
Chichiri leaned against the wall of a small shop in the middle of Kounan's capital, panting, trying to catch his breath.  
  
He heard Tasuki yell his name. Without his kasa and kesa, he couldn't teleport, but it hadn't occurred to him before to use any of his other magic. Gasping for breath as he was, and what with all the rain, invisibility probably wouldn't do much good, but maybe something else...  
  
However, hard as he tried the oldest Suzaku seishi couldn't bring any of the motions or incantations of any spells to mind. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth from running so long, and his lungs felt like they would explode with each rasping breath he took of the moist air. It was all too much, he felt dizzy with exhaustion, completely emotionally and physically drained.  
  
The most appealing thing to do seemed to be to curl up in a ball on the soaked pavement and die, but just then Tasuki rounded the corner, forcing Chichiri to begin running again. However, no longer far enough ahead to dart down side streets to confuse the fiery haired young man, he had no hope of escape. Tasuki easily overtook him again, and caught his wrists when he tried to turn.  
  
"Chichiri, why do you keep trying to run away from me?" he asked, obviously both confused and hurt. Chichiri was too tired to reply, could only shake his head and try feebly to break free.  
  
"Why don't we just go back to the palace now, and we'll talk, eh, Chichiri?" Tasuki asked, giving his friend a small, nervous smile. Chichiri shook his head again.  
  
"Why not?" Again, Chichiri only shook his head, too weary to even attempt to argue with the young man who had hold of him.  
  
All of a sudden Chichiri realized that he really, truly wanted to hit Tasuki, for no reason other than the fact that the young man had dismissed what had happened so easily, and wasn't in the least angry about it. Chichiri was furious at himself, and he expected Tasuki to be, too. He wanted, with all his heart, for Tasuki to berate him, yell at him, ANYTHING but this complete acceptance of what had occurred.  
  
* Damn it Tasuki, I've done something wrong...why won't you tell me so...I can't forgive myself until you forgive me...and you can't forgive me if you aren't angry with me... * Chichiri thought. It made perfect sense to him, so why couldn't Tasuki see it?  
  
After a long moment Houjun Ri gave in to fatigue and let his legs give out beneath him, wondering if perhaps the fall to the street could kill him if he did it right. Unfortunately he never found out, because Tasuki caught him.  
  
"I hate you," Chichiri said, feeling too weak to explain himself.  
  
"Yeah, I kinda figured that..." Tasuki said, managing an only marginally forced smirk and some shadow of his usual good humor. Chichiri could tell the remark had stung, though, by the hurt in the gaze that met his. The troubled young man moved the stare of his brown eye from Tasuki's face to the bandit's feet, studying the creases in the soft fabric of his friend's boots, trying to focus, to gather the strength to stand under his own power.  
  
After a while he managed to get his legs to support him again, but he still had to lean heavily on Tasuki to avoid falling. Deciding that falling to the street probably wouldn't kill him anyway, he rather grudgingly let the younger man support him.  
  
Tasuki shifted, pulling one of Chichiri's arms over his shoulders.  
  
"So, you don't want to go back to the palace...where to then?" the stubborn young man inquired.  
  
"Go to hell," Chichiri mumbled.  
  
"Hmm, I'm not sure that'd be such a good idea...though it would be warmer...but hey, I think I have a cure for ya...let's go get drunk," Tasuki suggested, showing off his fangs with a wide, genuine smile. Chichiri tilted his head at the grinning seishi, amazed at just how feral the other man looked. The monk hadn't been one to drink since his younger days with Hikou, but right then losing himself in an alcoholic haze sounded very tempting.  
  
Without waiting for Chichiri's reply, Tasuki headed off in search of sake.  
  
***  
  
"Where ARE they?" Nuriko asked.  
  
"I don't know, just like I didn't know any of the other hundreds of times you asked that!" Tamahome snapped.  
  
"Tamahome, she...he's just worried about Tasuki and Chichiri!" Miaka objected.  
  
"Yeah, well asking where they are isn't getting them back! And besides, I'm sure they can take care of themselves!" Tamahome replied, crossing his arms irritably over his chest.  
  
"Tamahome, you could at LEAST..." Nuriko began, but he was cut off by two slurred, off-key voices raised in an even more slurred, off-key excuse for harmony.  
  
"Are hatateta kouya de mo hoshi wa hikaru..." came Tasuki's loud, discordant tenor.  
  
"Mamoritai hito ga ireba chizu wa irenai..." followed Chichiri's somewhat softer but no less dissonant alto.  
  
"Kumo wa kono mama doko e yuku no da rou..." the two voices sang together, Tasuki even adding the 'no da' to his part.  
  
"What the...?" Nuriko asked, trailing off and heading to the door. Upon opening it he smiled, sighed and leaned against the doorframe, watching two very intoxicated seishi stagger, arms around each other's shoulders, towards him.  
  
"Hakkiri shirenai ishi ni michibi karete..." the two went on, still singing together for the chorus.  
  
"Habata ita tori no k...ka...kage...kage...aw shit, I can't r'member...oh, k'nichi wa N'riko," Tasuki slurred, giving Nuriko a grin and a clumsy wave, almost knocking both himself and Chichiri off balance with the simple action. Nuriko shook his head.  
  
"What are we going to do with you?" he asked, shaking his head. He was relieved, though, that they were both back and safe.  
  
Chichiri, no longer having anything to concentrate on, slumped wearily against Tasuki's shoulder, trying not to fall asleep. Tasuki gave the older man a lopsided smirk, tightening the arm around him affectionately for a moment.  
  
"He's so cute," the bandit commented.  
  
"You are very, very drunk," Nuriko stated.  
  
"Maybe a l't'l..." Tasuki admitted.  
  
"It had to be Kouji with the higher alcohol tolerance, didn't it...?" Nuriko sighed.  
  
"Huh?" Tasuki asked. He began to laugh softly for no apparent reason. Nuriko shook his head sadly. Chichiri looked up sleepily, blinking to clear his vision to no avail.  
  
"You...both of you...should get to bed," Nuriko instructed.  
  
"But it's still light out...look at all the pretty colors..." Chichiri objected. Nuriko raised an eyebrow at him, looking up at the night sky. The rain had long since stopped, and some of the clouds had cleared away, providing some small glimpse of the bright stars above. It was very near to midnight. Mitsukake had left just a short while before to put Chiriko to bed, despite the boy's protests.  
  
Coming back from Chiriko's room, Mitsukake paused, seeing the three by the doorway. Nuriko looked up at him hopefully. The healer raised his hands helplessly.  
  
"Not a thing I can do about THAT," he replied to Nuriko's unspoken question. Nuriko's face fell.  
  
"If you want, I'll be able to help them when they wake up tomorrow...that is, unless you feel they've earned the hangover..." Mitsukake offered dryly, with an uncharacteristic smile. Nuriko sighed. First Tasuki and Chichiri had BOTH gotten themselves completely drunk, and then Mitsukake had to be in one of his cynical, humorous moods. The purple-haired man shrugged, unable to think of a better response for his towering friend. It was, after all, very late, and certain court princesses didn't do well deprived of their beauty sleep.  
  
"I'm going to sleep," he announced, "and you three should do the same." Chichiri, it seemed, had not waited to get to bed to follow Nuriko's advice - he was fast asleep on Tasuki's shoulder.  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

Futame Kinen  
"Harmful Memory"  
  
  
Once again, yaoi is NOT the intent...so please, no flames about that. Also, I think there is ONE single solitary swear word in here...but I rated it PG13 just to be safe...and so all the chapters would match. ^_^  
  
Beware the thick coating of sap later in the chapter. My fics get like that sometimes, very sappy. Gomen!  
  
And the obligatory disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Squirrels stole Grandma Bob.  
  
  
Chapter Four - Kyokusetsu - Yurusu Yurushi!  
"Complications - Allow Forgiveness!"  
  
When Chichiri awoke the next day, the sun was almost at its zenith. At first he questioned all he remembered happening...perhaps it had all been a dream...? Until...  
  
"Oh, my head..." the monk groaned, sitting up in his bed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.   
  
After a few moments he forced himself to open his eyes and get up...but as soon as he did he sat down again on the edge of his bed, too dizzy to trust his feet. It was then he noticed that he was not alone in his room - sprawled in a nearby chair, fast asleep, was Tasuki. For whatever reason it was nice to have him there...but it also angered Chichiri that Tasuki still cared enough to stay and watch over him after what had happened.  
  
Chichiri just sat there for a while, staring at his friend, too intent on trying to decipher the willful redhead to notice his headache much. Tasuki stirred, opening his big eyes and yawning. Suddenly the young man remembered what had happened and glanced, panicked, around the room. His wide golden eyes landed on the older seishi and he grinned.  
  
"I really hate you," Chichiri told him. Tasuki smirked at him.  
  
"Yeah, I know, ya hated me before and the headache probably isn't helping," the bandit replied. He stood up, yawning again and stretching.  
  
"So, feeling better?" Tasuki asked, putting an arm companionably around his friend's shoulders. Chichiri glared at him.  
  
"I hate you," he reiterated.  
  
"Yeah, well I love ya, 'Chiri," Tasuki replied. Chichiri didn't consider it much consolation; after all, his head was still splitting...  
  
For a long moment Chichiri just watched his grinning friend, then managed to return the redhead's smile at least partially.  
  
* This is the same as forgiving me, right? * Chichiri thought hopefully. As long as Tasuki wasn't angry with him, he didn't need to be angry with himself, he decided. After all, everything was okay, and no one had been hurt. Everyone could put it behind them with minimal effort and that would be that. Chichiri's smiled widened.  
  
"You two alive?" Nuriko's musical voice called through the door.  
  
"As much as can be expected," Tasuki called back, walking with Chichiri to the door, bringing a hand up to his temples. Two years with the bandits and Kouji had left Tasuki quite used to headaches, so he showed little sign of the aftereffects of getting utterly smashed the night before, though he felt them. Chichiri's self-control was wearing thin, though, and he wondered if Mitsukake could help. If nothing else, maybe Hotohori would skewer him. He'd been willing to do it for Miaka, after all...  
  
***  
  
"We need to think about the next step - getting the Shinzahou. Each moment we delay gives our enemies more time to plot against us," Chiriko announced that evening, shortly after they'd all sat down to dinner.  
  
"But to get the Shinzahou, we'd have to pretty much put our lives in the hands of the rest of the group. What if Chi..." Tamahome stopped as Chichiri dropped his cup. The delicate porcelain shattered on the ground, and tea splattered everywhere.  
  
"What I meant was, what if someone were to..." Tamahome trailed off, looking sheepish as Nuriko and Tasuki both glared at him.  
  
"No, no he's right. I'm a danger...it would be best if I just stayed behind," Chichiri agreed softly.  
  
"No! You didn't do anything wrong, Chichiri!" Tasuki shouted, slamming a fist down angrily on the table. Miaka, who hadn't been paying attention, looked up, surprised, almost choking on her food.  
  
"Yes I did! I attacked you, Tasuki, or don't you remember?"  
  
"But it wasn't your fault!"  
  
"Then whose was it?" Chichiri inquired, his voice barely above a whisper, "Whose fault, if not mine? And even if it wasn't, the fact remains that it still happened, and could happen again." Tasuki had no argument for this. For a long moment Chichiri simply looked intently at his friend, waiting for an answer.  
  
"I'm a danger. It would be best if I just stayed behind," Chichiri reiterated firmly, still looking right at Tasuki.  
  
"Please excuse me," Chichiri requested, rising and leaving the room before anyone had time to object.  
  
***  
  
Later that evening, as dusk began to settle over Kounan, Tasuki walked up to Chichiri's door and knocked timidly. There was no answer. Tasuki knocked again. Still no answer. Tasuki thought for a moment, pretty sure Chichiri was inside and just ignoring him. Suddenly, he came up with an idea.  
  
"Knock, knock! Who's there? It's Tasuki! Tasuki who? Tasuki, Chichiri's friend, here to see how he's doing! Oh, great, Tasuki, come right on in! Thank you!" Tasuki dutifully recited, opening the door with the last remark. Chichiri didn't even look up.  
  
"What, ya never heard Kouji do that?" Tasuki asked.  
  
"What did you need, Tasuki?"  
  
Tasuki tilted his head at his friend, confused at Chichiri's tone of voice, an expressionless monotone. He didn't sound right...he didn't sound like Chichiri. That was the best way Tasuki could think of to describe it. Even when the oldest seishi dropped his happy-go-lucky, energetic front, he still carried an edge of hope and faith in his voice. He was their light in the dark, a beacon of optimism they could trust completely.  
  
But he sounded like he'd given up on the world, like he'd lost the will to live.  
  
"What's wrong, Chichiri, did something happen? I finally got you to smile this morning, and now you're all gloomy again? And what was with that performance at dinner, huh?"  
  
"It's no use, Tasuki, I thought I could forgive myself, but I can't! I thought that if YOU forgave me, I could forgive myself. After all, it was YOU that I...that I attacked..."  
  
"I forgive you, Chichiri! I was never even mad at you, just confused..."  
  
"I know that..."  
  
"Then what's the matter?"  
  
"You may forgive me, but..." Chichiri began reluctantly, biting his lip and pausing for a moment, "...but the others don't, at least, not all of them..."  
  
"Why would they be mad at you? You didn't hurt anyone, Chichiri, didn't even TRY to hurt anyone but me, and I forgive you!" Tasuki exclaimed, trying to understand. Chichiri smiled softly, a pained smile, but an honest one. It was one of the things he loved about Tasuki, his childlike innocence in many areas. He couldn't comprehend why anyone would be mad at Chichiri if nothing bad had happened, and if his friend hadn't meant any harm.  
  
"I didn't have to hurt anyone. It's just the fact that I TRIED, and I could try again. What if next time it isn't you, Tasuki, but someone helpless, like Miaka...or Chiriko?" Tasuki's eyes widened a little, and Chichiri knew he'd hit the mark. After a moment, though, the young rogue shook his head.  
  
"No, Chichiri. You'd never attack either of them..."  
  
"But don't you see? Before yesterday you probably would have said I'd never attack you, either. But I did, didn't I? I attacked you. If you'd been just a little slower, just a little less agile, if you'd stumbled a little more or if something had distracted you, I could've hurt you. I could've KILLED you!"  
  
"But you didn't..."  
  
"Because it was YOU, Tasuki! Because you are who you are, because you can defend yourself! What if you'd made a mistake, stumbled or fallen, and I HAD hurt you? KILLED you? What if it HAD been Chiriko? What then?"  
  
"It wouldn't change anything..." Tasuki began.  
  
"Yes, it would!" Chichiri snapped, "It would change everything! The only reason you defend me is that no one was hurt, and you're too foolish to look beyond that!"  
  
"The only reason I defend you is that you're my friend, Chichiri! And it doesn't matter what you do, or what you COULD do, nothing's going to change that!" Tasuki shot back. His voice broke in the middle of the statement, and tears came to his amber eyes.  
  
"What if I'd attacked Chiriko? Damn it, Tasuki, what if I'd KILLED him?"  
  
"Then I'd miss him. And you. Because I know you love him too and you'd kill yourself if you hurt him," Tasuki replied simply, tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, and in his quavering voice. Chichiri found that he couldn't speak, couldn't force words past the huge lump in his throat.  
  
"H...how...how would you...know...?"Chichiri finally managed to choke out.  
  
"You'd be surprised what I know," Tasuki responded quietly.  
  
"Would I?" Chichiri asked, turning away, looking out the window at the luminous sunset. He wondered briefly how anything could be so beautiful when he was feeling so awful.  
  
"Yes, you would," Tasuki informed him. Chichiri could hear the soft padding of Tasuki's booted feet on the floor as his friend approached.  
  
"W...what do you know...that you think...I'd find so surprising?" Chichiri said, managing to calm his voice somewhat. Chichiri felt panic rise in his chest as Tasuki slipped his arms around his shoulders and set his chin on the blue-haired man's shoulder.  
  
"I know that I...I love you. Aniki," Tasuki whispered. Chichiri shook off his embrace, turning to face the brigand and taking a step back.  
  
"What...?" Chichiri began, but he didn't get any further. He was too confused. Who was this, and what had they done with Tasuki?  
  
Tasuki just stood there for a moment, blushing again, and with a quick, mumbled apology, fled the room.  
  
Chichiri watched him go, shocked.  
  
  
  
Well *I* thought the aniki idea was cute. I doubt anyone else did...but oh well.  
  
Reviews are much appreciated!  



	5. Default Chapter Title

Futame Kinen  
"Harmful Memory"  
  
  
Sorry it took so long for me to get this posted. Lots of stuff was going on lately, to put it lightly. I think there's only one swear word in this chapter. Nuriko takes the last chapter the wrong way and makes a LOT of yaoi-implying comments, but Nuriko's opinion certainly doesn't reflect my own, no da! Oh, and the asterisks invade once more. Things enclosed by (*)'s are thoughts/flashbacks. Arigato!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, or any of its characters and whatnot.  
  
  
Chapter Five - Haji to Konmei  
"Embarrassment and Confusion"  
  
  
"I can't believe I did that, I can't...I just can't..." Tasuki muttered to himself as he ran off in no particular direction. He ended up almost barreling into Nuriko.  
  
"Hey, Tasuki, why the hurry?" Nuriko asked as he leapt gracefully out of harm's way.  
  
"Huh?" Tasuki replied, coming to a stop and turning on his heel to face Nuriko. Nuriko arched a delicate eyebrow at him.  
  
"I just want to know why you need to rush about so fast. Get yourself into trouble again?"  
  
"Uh, well...no, not exactly...I mean, I don't THINK so...that is...umm..." Tasuki stammered.  
  
"Oh, come on, you can tell ME what happened, huh?" Nuriko implored sweetly. It was, after all, his nature to want to know all that went on around the palace...  
  
Nuriko thought for a moment, and then his eyes widened a little.  
  
"Tasuki, is there a GIRL involved in this?"  
  
Tasuki turned a bright red to rival the vividness of his hair.  
  
"No! Course not...you know that I..."  
  
"Hate women, yes...I know...a guy then?" Nuriko inquired.  
  
"Not the way you're implying!" Tasuki said defensively, blushing even more, though one probably wouldn't have thought it possible.  
  
"Chichiri again?" Nuriko guessed. Tasuki nodded.  
  
"So...what happened?" Nuriko asked. Tasuki bit his bottom lip.  
  
***  
  
Chichiri still stood, stunned, long after Tasuki had left his sight.  
  
* What in the name of Suzaku... * the monk thought, still confused. He shook his head.  
  
* Soon I'll just wake up, and this will all go away... * he assured himself. He didn't really believe it, though, and sighed, sitting down on the floor, feet beneath him.  
  
* Even if I lived as long as Taiitsu-kun-sama, I'd never understand what goes on in Tasuki's head.*  
  
***  
  
"You did WHAT?" Nuriko exclaimed, trying very hard not to laugh and only partially succeeding.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, I'm not as good with words as you are!" Tasuki replied angrily.  
  
"But...YOU did THAT?"  
  
"It seemed like the thing to do until I did it..."  
  
"YOU did THAT?"  
  
"You said that already," Tasuki responded irritably, not appreciating his friend's teasing.  
  
"It's just...it's just...YOU did THAT?"  
  
"Come on, Nuriko, stop teasing and HELP me!"  
  
"What do you want ME to do about your little lover's quarrel with Chichiri?" Nuriko asked. He laughed as Tasuki glared at him.  
  
"It was NOT a l..." Tasuki began, his voice rising steadily as he spoke. Nuriko interrupted him, placing a slender finger on the indignant bandit's lips for quiet.  
  
"Not so loud," Nuriko chided. Tasuki just continued to glare at him. Laughing softly, Nuriko took his hand away from Tasuki's mouth.  
  
"You could try giving him some flowers," he suggested.  
  
"NURIKO, I'm SERIOUS!"  
  
"So am I! It would be sweet. I'm sure he'd appreciate it," Nuriko said with a grin that clearly stated he was NOT serious.  
  
"Nuriko..." Tasuki growled. Nuriko only laughed.  
  
***  
  
Chichiri sat cross-legged again, taking deep breaths.  
  
* One...two...one...two...one...two... * he thought over and over to focus.  
  
* One...two...one...two...why would he DO that though? No, stop it, Chichiri. But...I don't understand... *  
  
The fact that Tasuki had just said something so...profound...confused Chichiri to no end. He'd known Tasuki had a tendency to form strong bonds with people, but had never known his friend to ADMIT things like that...  
  
Chichiri sighed.  
  
"As if I didn't have troubles enough," Chichiri muttered.  
  
***  
  
"Damn it Kouji, where are ya when I really need ya?" Tasuki grumbled as Nuriko continued his verbal onslaught. Chiriko padded over to where they were.  
  
"Tasuki, did you go see Chichiri?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah..." Tasuki replied.  
  
"Ooh, yes he did!" Nuriko chortled happily before dissolving into laughter. Chiriko looked confused.  
  
"Just ignore him," Tasuki advised. Chiriko tilted his head to one side, looking painfully cute, then straightened, still looking somewhat bewildered. After a moment he shrugged his little shoulders.  
  
"So, how is he?" the small boy asked.  
  
"Probably confused," Nuriko quipped.  
  
"Nuriko, stop it!" Tasuki snapped.  
  
"What, you think he's not?" Nuriko scoffed.  
  
"Well..." Tasuki began, trailing off, unsure as to how to continue.  
  
"See? I'm right! Aren't I right, Chiriko?" Nuriko inquired.  
  
"You leave him out of this, he doesn't even know what happened!"  
  
"And Mitsukake would be very mad at you if you told him...you might scar him for life!"  
  
"It wasn't THAT bad!" Tasuki insisted.  
  
"If I said something like that to you..." Nuriko started.  
  
"That would be another thing entirely!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just...just because!"  
  
Chiriko arched one precious little eyebrow.  
  
"I THINK my symbol's still lit up," he murmured to himself, lifting the hem of his robe up slightly from his foot to check. The red mark of Suzaku rested starkly visible on his charming little foot. Nuriko chuckled, a grin lighting up his effeminate features.  
  
"Yeah, I'll bet you'll have just as clever a response for Chichiri next time you see him, huh?"  
  
"NURIKO, all I did was..."  
  
"Shh! Chiriko!" Nuriko scolded.  
  
"Why does it matter if Chiriko hears?"  
  
"YOU know..."  
  
"No I don't! There's nothing wrong with being close to a friend!"  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"It isn't like that!"  
  
"I guess even with the all the intelligence granted me by Suzaku, I'll still never understand the mysterious ways of the human race..." Chiriko muttered.  
  
***  
  
It was no use. Chichiri found he couldn't stay focused for more than a few breaths before his troubles with Tasuki crept back into his mind.  
  
* Suzaku...what should I do? * Chichiri thought, looking up at the ceiling. No answer was forthcoming from the phoenix god, however. Chichiri sighed.  
  
"Looks like I'm on my own...no da..." he whispered.  
  
***  
  
Tasuki gave up on trying to get help from Nuriko.  
  
"I'm goin' ta bed," he announced, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.  
  
"Alone?" Nuriko solicited tauntingly.  
  
"Yes, alone!" Tasuki snarled, scowling furiously at Nuriko. With a quick word of goodnight to Chiriko, he stalked off into the gathering twilight.  



	6. Default Chapter Title

Futame Kinen  
"Harmful Memory"  
  
  
I fixed it!  
  
For anyone unaware of what I mean, I cleaned up the language in this chapter, which was, I'll admit, rather (very? I have a tendency towards understatement sometimes) bad. It seemed to bother people, and I'm certain the fic doesn't lose anything for lack of some cursing. There's still enough to warrant a PG-13 rating though, I believe...-_-'''  
  
Things enclosed in asterisks (*) are thoughts, and I miss my lovely italics.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. I still can't think of anything witty to say. Gomen.  
  
Once again, reviews are greatly appreciated!  
  
  
Chapter Six - Suikyou  
"Raving Drunkenness"  
  
  
"Damn cross-dresser..." he muttered angrily. He threw open the door to his room, stormed inside, and slammed the door shut behind him.  
  
"Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll fix everything...right now, I'm gonna get good and drunk and pass out, the proper Mount Leikaku bandit way to solve all these problems," he declared. Rummaging around the room, he soon found the bottles of sake he kept squirreled away for just such emergencies.  
  
At least some of his good humor returned by the prospect of getting completely smashed, the now-smirking bandit nonchalantly shrugged off his shirt and sat down on the floor.  
  
* Now, to chase all this out of my head... * he thought happily, pouring a glass of sake. He was interrupted quite a few bottles into his undertaking by a soft knock at the door.  
  
Tasuki heaved a heavy sigh, getting up and stumbling to the door, a half-empty sake bottle still in hand.  
  
* Aw, darn it, I can still walk pretty straight... * he thought to himself, disappointed. This thought was proved false as a disillusioned Tasuki crashed into a wall he'd thought was about three feet to the right. He opened the door, leaning against the doorframe, expecting it to be Nuriko coming to tease him again.  
  
It was Chichiri.  
  
Tasuki started, falling forward, and would have fallen flat on his face if a certain blue-haired seishi hadn't caught him. Chichiri blinked, startled as well, and supported Tasuki for a couple moments to let him regain his feet.  
  
"Chichiri!" Tasuki exclaimed, in a perfect example of a delayed reaction.  
  
"Hai," Chichiri replied quietly.  
  
"What...what are you...never mind, I know..." Tasuki smiled nervously, a flush coming to his cheeks.  
  
"Look, Chichiri...I'm really sorry...I didn't mean it like...uh...er, did you wanna come in?" Tasuki's blush darkened as he spoke. Chichiri gave smiled slightly, so slightly that Tasuki wasn't sure if it was just because of his mask or not.  
  
"Tasuki-chan, when will you learn that sake does NOT solve everything?" he asked, removing his mask to reveal a sincere, albeit small, smile.  
  
"Hell yes it does! Look, I'm hallucinating you not being mad at me!" Tasuki insisted.  
  
"Tasuki..." Chichiri began, looking a little more serious.  
  
"Damn it, I can't even keep on good terms with ya in my hallucinations!" Tasuki complained. He took a long draw from his bottle of sake, shook his head to clear it, and looked back to Chichiri.  
  
Chichiri laughed softly, a smile returning to his lips.  
  
"Ah ha! See, it worked!" Tasuki proclaimed triumphantly.  
  
"Tasuki...I want to talk to you."  
  
"Sure, why the hell not? Shoot, 'Chiri," Tasuki replied, grinning. He plopped down right where he stood in the open doorway.  
  
"You...I...I'm rather...confused, right now, Tasuki..."  
  
"Stuff's wearing off," Tasuki muttered, quaffing some more of his sake.  
  
"Tasuki, it's NOT THE DAMN SAKE," Chichiri said, still smiling. Tasuki just grinned at him stupidly through the fog of drunkenness.  
  
"Huh?" the intoxicated bandit asked, tilting his head to the side. Chichiri laughed softly.  
  
"Maybe I'll come back in the morning...when you're sober..."  
  
"No, wait...I d'n't care if you're a 'lucin'tion, I wanna fix this," Tasuki slurred as Chichiri turned to leave. The older seishi just stood still for a moment, then nodded and sat down on the ground in front of Tasuki.  
  
"Alright, Tasuki...fix this," Chichiri prompted.  
  
"Kay," Tasuki replied. He thought for a moment.  
  
"Gomen," he said. He started to laugh.  
  
"It's a start...mind if I try?"  
  
"Nah, g' right ahead..."  
  
"Tasuki, I..." Chichiri took a deep breath, and tears came to his eyes as he struggled to gather the words he needed.  
  
"Aw, damn it! Look, I made ya cry and you're not even HERE!" Tasuki exclaimed. Chichiri blinked away a few tears and managed to find his smile again.  
  
"I'm here, Tasuki..."  
  
"Well, you know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm going to rant now, and you're going to listen, 'lucin'tion, illusion, 'r whatever you are!" Tasuki declared. He took a deep breath and a drink of sake and stood up.  
  
"Okay. 'Chiri, I don't know what happened. Hell, I may never know. But...but I just...damn it, I just suck with words! Why can't I ever put together what I want to say?"  
  
"Maybe because you're drunk," Chichiri offered.  
  
"Nah, I wasn't drunk earlier and I still managed to royally mess everything up..."  
  
"No, you didn't..."  
  
"Now I KNOW you're not the real Chichiri! Can't I even get drunk right?" Tasuki heaved an exasperated sigh at himself.  
  
"Tasuki...YOU didn't do anything wrong."  
  
"Yes I damn well did! I might as well have done something as yaoi as Nuriko seems to think I did...Chichiri, or whoever the hell you are...I'm just an idiot."  
  
"Will you stop that for a minute and listen to me?" Chichiri snapped. Tasuki unceremoniously plunked back down to the ground.  
  
"You go right ahead. Let's see if a figment of my imagination can talk better than me."  
  
Chichiri sighed, and sat silently for a long moment, trying to think of what to say.  
  
"Tasuki...you stood up for me when I wouldn't even stand up for myself. You kept on insisting on my innocence when I'd already accepted my guilt. You tried as hard as you could to make me feel better no matter how adamantly I refused your help, to the point where you tore down all your emotional barriers to tell me how you honestly felt - just in the tiny hope that it would make me feel like myself again."  
  
"Nah, I just embarrassed both of..."  
  
"No you didn't!" Chichiri snapped. Tasuki started.  
  
"Shit, I wonder if my hallucination's so far off he'll get violent..."  
  
"I'M NOT A HALLUCINATION!"  
  
Tasuki blinked a few times, then shook his head.  
  
"I'm so confused..." Tasuki muttered.  
  
"Well, I'm not done yet."  
  
"Just peachy...just..."  
  
"I'm going to Hokkan with the group," Chichiri interrupted.  
  
"That's great! I'm mean...that would be great...if you were Chichiri...damn it..."  
  
"I AM Chichiri, Suzaku damn it!"  
  
"Yeah...okay..."  
  
"Tasuki, you are so FRUSTRATING sometimes! My point was, I can't stay. I need to go, because I have abilities that will most likely be needed. But I want you to promise me something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Protect them. Protect them for me...from me, and from everything else."  
  
"Sure. I promise, Chichiri."  
  
"I'll want you to say that again when you're sober..."  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"And, Tasuki?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Arigato."  



End file.
